Kari’s Guest Blog
03/31/2024
When I asked Kari to write about her boudoir shoot experience she quickly responded with a “YES”. When I first read this, it brought me to tears. Kari’s transformation has been one of the most memorable ones. Here is her story, written by Kari herself.
Isn’t she lovely…
I actually really hate what I look like in most images. I haven’t changed my profile picture on Facebook in over 2 years — I was my thinnest then, and I happen to be wearing a little makeup. Why disrupt a good thing?
Signing up for a boudoir shoot was a crazy idea. It was meant to be a gift for someone special — he always tells me how beautiful I am, even if I roll my eyes at him every time he mentions it. Beautiful after a long shift at work? Beautiful after spending hours commuting? Sweatpants, hair tie, no makeup on…kinda beautiful? No, not really.
I appreciated the love and compliments, but it was hard to believe him most days. I knew he thought I was perfect, but what was he seeing that I couldn’t see? A boudoir shoot would blow his mind. He would NEVER expect it. I could do this for him… I thought. I never expected to feel immediate doubt. WHAT was I thinking? Scheduling a boudoir shoot? In front of strangers?
I wasn’t a “sexy” person– I knew next to nothing about what looked sexy on me. I was never even seen in lingerie let alone a garter belt and thigh highs and or heels. Those could stay with the Victorias Secret models. I went to my closest friends for support. But all I got in reply was complete shock. You’re doing WHAT…?? “You’re brave.” “I could never do that…”
Doubt and anxiety echoed back to me. NEVER do that? Why never? My friends are HOT and stunning, but I couldn’t convince them otherwise. Is that what I was doing to myself without realizing it? Was I looking down on myself instead of loving myself? If I could build my friends up, shouldn’t I be loving myself in the same way? The world makes it so easy, maybe too easy for us, as women, to focus on our imperfections–to focus on all our flaws. Society presents us with the “perfect” woman on billboards, on the tv, on the internet.
I wasn’t ever going to be THAT girl.
But I sure as hell could try. Right…?
I prepared for my boudoir shoot as much as I could, checking off all the things on my list to buy and get done to make myself look like the best version of myself. Nails and toes done? — Check. Hey, ladies, ever have a wax? If you can do that you can do anything. Checked out Victorias secret and have the sales lady get her headset to everyone in the entire store to account they had a bride heading to the fitting room for a boudoir shoot? And then having the thrilled woman in charge of the fitting room exclaim that I MUST show her once I had the lingerie on? Oh god.. that was embarrassing.
Then It was here — the boudoir shoot day. The day I had played over and over in my head weeks leading up to it. As I knocked on the studio door and as my legs shook all the way into the studio, wearing my oversized sweatsuit and was immediately greeted by 2 friendly faces.
I put on my best brave face as I laid out my outfits for the day, all while chatting with Rebecca, and Karina the hair and makeup artist. I’m so out of my element, I thought. I’m not sexy. What if my fiancé doesn’t like the pictures after all? Then what? I was whisked into the hair and makeup chair soon after.
“What are you going for today?” Karina asked me.
“Well..I don’t ever wear makeup.. and I wear my glasses everyday. So..” I was starting at myself in the mirror, the bight lightbulbs highlighting all my blemishes and perceived imperfections on my face. I didn’t even know how to reply.
” Do you like curls?”
I smiled. I LOVED my hair curled. I started to get more comfortable. While I was getting my hair and makeup done, Rebecca were chatting with me about life, work, photography. I ever made a joke about being half named in front of a group of strangers– and they laughed! Maybe I CAN do this. Especially when I looked at myself in the mirror once I was done in the chair. I couldn’t stop starting at myself thinking “WOW, that is ME.” “that is ME!!!” Could I really look that pretty? I genuinely didn’t recognize the woman in the mirror — the same mirror where I just just harshly criticized every tiny piece of my face. Why was I so obsessed with focusing on the negative?
It’s really all about jumping off that cliff — even if you have a fear of heights. the cliff where all your insecurities hang out and the mean girl whispers in your head all the non truths about you. The cliff where you have never felt good enough. the cliff where we judge other women for what they look like. The cliffs edge that is too damn perfect to leave most days.
But I was determined for today to not be that day. If I could jump out of a perfectly good airplane on my birthday, I could jump off this cliff of imperfection.
The conservation, awkward nerd in glasses finally started coming out of her shell, slowly but surely.
“look how stunning you are,” Rebecca rushed over to show me a photo right out of the camera. And I started to believe it!
Even if I had to play, “Run the world girls” by Beyonce in my head to hype me up in the beginning. Even if Rebecca had to help me hook up my thigh-highs to the garter belt. Even when I couldn’t relax and the worry wrinkles on my forehead. Even when I had to cling onto the walls while I rocked my heels. Even when I was laughing uncontrollably because the bed sucks you in. Even when I laid down on the cold, bare floor to get the perfect shot. I finally let go– I felt free.
I couldn’t have ever imagined what the final product would be.
You would never think that putting clothes back on for the reveal session would actually be a bummer because I finally felt so confident, and sexy, I felt amazing and I didn’t want that feeling to go away. I felt beautiful. Would all that come through in the pictures like it was in my mind?
Rebecca showed me photo after photo… a girl I barely recognized.
“Is that me ?!” That’s not me I kept repeating.
“That is YOU!” they kept saying. I didn’t focus on the flaws or imperfections that had plagued my daily life. It was so liberating. For the first time in my life, I genuinely didn’t feel weighed down by those thoughts. Maybe it took Rebecca’s perspective fro me to see myself in a true light. That stunning woman in those pictures WAS me — looking completely and utterly flawless. The pictures weren’t even edited yet– they came straight out of the camera. And I was truly speechless.
Flawless. Me. Used in the same sentence. (I got emotional just writing this.) I had never felt this way before. I felt like I was on top of the world, the very tippy top! Is this was it feels like to what everyone else actually see’s? What he see’s? Is this what it felt like to truly love yourself?
I knew that it felt this way about myself, there was no way on earth he wouldn’t be surprised. I decided to get a photo album for myself and for him. 40 glorious and glossy pages for the boudoir shoot that I flip through myself every chance I get. I think I look at them more than he does. It’s a daily reminder that my self image has completely changed now after having my boudoir session. A brand new level of self confidence was unlocked and an acceptance for myself I never thought was even possible. This feeling is now a part of my every day life.. all thanks to Rebecca and her team, the people who have a very special talent of finding beauty in everyone.
I feel empowered just being, well… me. I don’t need to feel or look like anyone else, I don’t even compare myself anymore. I realized in giving this gift to him, it was really the most beautiful gift to myself. I unintentionally gave myself the best and most valuable gift of a lifetime.
love,
Kari.
Are you interested in booking your boudoir experience with us? https://studio.boudoirbyrebeccalynn.com/phone-consult
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